It is so cold out that my hands are
cracking up. I’m using this liquid they
call liquid skin. I guess it’s some kind
of glue. I usually use superglue for
splits like this, but I haven’t seen it since the move, over two
months ago. I spoke to my pal Binky in
NYC and he said he hasn’t been out in 36 hours, which I guess means it’s cold
down there too. Yep, just checked – it’s
pretty cold. Up here it gets down past
zero in the winters – it feels really cold in NYC cause of the sea or
something, but it’s actually colder here.
So there. But it’s all
relative. We even have college kids up
here who wear shorts all winter!
How! Do! They!
Do! It? What’s up?
My therapist urges
me to note other people’s reactions and attitudes, to compare with them and see
how needlessly extreme mine are. That
includes my perception of cold, and how I dress. And of course, can we get to the Bottom of
it, because that’s what will help me know what the fuck I’m doing, for
real. The inner child…that phrase does
have a reality. Our thinking comes from
our grown up identity, but our emotions are deeply rooted in (or consumed by)
what we went through emotionally as little kids. Damn.
And the guy’s right a lot of the time, but I can’t help rationalizing
sometimes that he doesn’t really know what a healthy me looks like compared to
a healthy “anyone”. Funny idea. Do your quirks consist of flaws? And if you were more Present and less flawed,
would You be you? Would you have other
things to say? Things that the actual me
would not say? I’m boggling behind this.
Basically,
therapy is something I need, and he’s been very helpful. Sometimes I think he secretly thinks that if
I get better I’ll be more like him. Is
that all in my imagination? I don’t
think so – but of course that’s just part of my imagination too.
It is
definitely winter, I’ll tell you! I’m
very happy to be living in town, able to walk to most events I’d like to
attend, and easy to drive to those which are a bit farther away. Guess I might get some ice-grippers for my
shoes, though – I’ll tell you, last night the ground was warm when it started snowing
really hard, and then the snow stopped and the temperature plunged and all the
roads became shiny ice. Cars were in
trouble on several major roads nearby.
But, I was lucky and didn’t go far – hadn’t gone far. Mostly a mile or two down Pine Street, at my lovely
not-girlfriend’s house.
We were to go downtown to hear music.
But, we didn’t.
I said I was going to tell you about all that, but really,
should I? It’s…gossip.
I hope you
are all warm. I must go write something
else! Right now!
If you’d like to hear an excellent story from my favorite conspiracy
theorist, read this here:
Hi Ho Silver and away,
CM
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